Prime's Worm Hole : These Might Have Actually Been Funny

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

These Might Have Actually Been Funny

After Wanda Sykes gutless performance at the White House correspondents dinner:
Wanda Sykes, Rush Limbaugh and the Politics of Humor

This is actually refreshing.

Here are some jokes I wanted to hear Saturday night, but it was just wishful thinking:

"Sorry I'm late … Louis Caldera was my cabbie and he thought it would be a good idea to drive me by the Statue of Liberty for a photo-op."

"Incidentally, Caldera was also going to be the person who ordered the Navy SEALS to rescue Captain Phillips from the Somali pirates if that had turned out badly."

"In an effort to ensure that any terror suspects killed under orders of the administration is completely legal in the eyes of the president, 'killed terrorists' will now be referred to as 'really late-term abortions.'"

"The White House says that the president had no prior knowledge of that 747 buzzing of Manhattan. Is it really a good idea to entrust our national security to somebody who can't even install The Club on his own jet?"

"This isn't the first time Barack Obama has denied any knowledge of a New York City buzz – the first being the time he smoked a joint with William Ayers at '21.'"

"And I don't know about you, but I sleep better at night knowing that a White House aide can scramble F-16s without anybody else knowing about it. This way, if a war breaks out while Obama's teleprompter is unplugged, somebody can still order planes to bomb New York to appease an enemy like at the end of Fail-Safe."

"If you're wondering why the president is in a good mood, it's because he's glad to be finished with his annual physical. During his colonoscopy doctors removed two benign polyps and the White House Press Corps."

"Last evening I took a walk through the cemetery – or as ACORN calls it, a 'recruiting trip.'"

"Things are getting weirder and weirder. Barack Obama is now running an auto company, and this morning I read that Lee Iacocca is taking over control of the Black Panthers."

"President Obama said he's going to take care of all Americans just like he takes care of his own family. It's comforting to know that the worst that can happen to us now is ending up homeless in Kenya."

"Michelle Obama is also here tonight. The first lady just taped an episode of 'Sesame Street' but walked off the set after seeing a segment featuring the Count holding photos of Barack's cabinet members and saying, 'Two … two tax cheats. Ah Ah Ah. Three … three tax cheats. Ah Ah Ah …'"

"In closing, I'd like to say thank you to the man who is responsible for all this. I'd like to, but George Soros isn't here tonight. They don't let George and Barack in the same room anymore because the last time they did, Joe Biden got tangled up in the puppet strings."

Just file these under "jokes you'll never hear at a White House Correspondents' Association Dinner" for at least the next several years.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: There is nothing funny about this woman and she knew damn well what she was saying and so did Obama.

They talk about being bipartisan but their actions speak louder than their words.

There is no bipartisanship with this man. He is a socialist interloper and a liar.

James.; May 12, 2009 at 4:59:00 PM EST

Prime's Worm hole

This is a place for me to muse about the issues that affect our world. My world and my country and my life in particular. I can say what I want to here and those who may stumble across my musings, are welcome to comment,or not. America is under siege. Everything this nation has ever represented, is now being torn asunder and crushed by the onslaught of egalitarian socialism. All morals and social values have been devolved into the belief that systemic racism, is the only underlying cause or reason for any societal ills in America. And that representation, is nothing but a Trojan Horse argument. A means of getting the egalitarian camel's nose into the tent. And now that it has been inserted? There is mayhem and anarchy and burning and looting all across America. And the only questions that remains to be asked and answered? Are these. When is enough enough and when will the American people call full stop and take the law into their own hands, to repel this socialist based attack on the Constitution and our personal freedoms.

Thinking

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax", I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.

"You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make that much money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled
I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.

They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step...I joined the Democratic Party

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If you are able,
save them a place
inside of you
and save one backward glance
when you are leaving
for the places they can
no longer go.
Be not ashamed to say
you loved them,
though you may
or may not have always.
Take what they have left
and what they have taught you
with their dying
and keep it with your own.
And in that time
when men decide and feel safe
to call the war insane,
take one moment to embrace
those gentle heroes
you left behind.

Major Michael Davis O'Donnell
1 January 1970
Dak To, Vietnam

Captain Michael O'Donnell was lost in Cambodia on March 24 1970, while flying a UH1 rescue helicopter, trying to rescue an eight man LRRP team under attack in Cambodia. He was listed as MIA along with the eight he had attempted to rescue after his UH1 Huey was shot down by enemy fire. The official military report listed the eight as shot down 'non survivable' and 'non recoverable.'

Michael O'Donnell was submitted for the Congressional Medal of Honor for his actions that day. He was awarded the Distinguished flying cross, the Bronze Star, The Air Medal and The Purple Heart and he was promoted to the rank of Major (posthumously).

In 1978 he was officially listed as KIA by the Department of Defense.

A little about the philosophy of the author

The Borg Conspiracy is one man's purely pedestrian thoughts, independent musings and frequently cheeky commentaries...Mixed with an abundance of patriotism, love of God, and love of country.

My thoughts?

In my opinion........in another generation, all that will remain of our once great republic, may be little more than what is left to weather the passage of time in the form of a few obscure and forgotten monuments to the great American experiment.

If America should fail....let it be written as her epitaph.....died by her own hand. The greatest experiment in freedom ever undertaken, lost in the end to the pursuit of the illusion that egalitarian tolerance was more valuable than individual freedom.

Let us be warned.
Franklin, Payne, Jefferson. They all knew the consequences of the lack of vigilance and they tried to warn us. They gave us a document as our guide post. We were to guard it and revere it and use it to guide and govern our future and our posterity.

No one listened.