I say first, we send in the Army Corps of Engineers (pronounced 'corpse' if you are a Obama fan) to re-route the Gulf stream in the Gulf of Mexico into the Rio Grand river. (spelled 'grande' if you are sensitive to egalitarian or cinco de mayo concerns)
Then we get a bunch of Nancy Pelosi's 'Hait Ashbury' group of 'roach toaking left overs from the 1960's to coordinate the green weenie earth people with money and convince them to manufacture millions of pairs of overalls from environmentally friendly hemp and organically grown cotton. (Bring in more of Pelosi's San Fran people if you want the suits to be color coordinated ensembles and fashionable bath house wear).
Then we ship all those newly created clothes down to Mexico and deliver them to Calderone and tell him that these are the new uniforms for all new immigrants (also known as waders) to wear upon entering into the US via their usual route.
So can you see the simple beauty of the plan now? Once all of those illegals (also know as undocumented workers) don those new Uncle Sam provided union suits and hit the river in their usual numbers?
We will have this oily mess cleaned up in a week. Two at tops. And once they are all here with their oily clothes on? We can have BP pay for the laundry and cleaning bill for all them long handles and the construction costs of the diversion. And then BP can ring out all them suits for whatever recovery of oil they can manage.
As Hannibal would say? "I love it when a plan comes together!"